AC/DC : MODERN VERSION, WITH BRIAN JOHNSON

The guy does not make me laugh. He is small, has a squeaking rat’s voice. Fuck him. Bon Scott was the man. He had bloody tatts all over his skinny arms and could outgrin even that faggoty Tom Cruise. And all the chicks dropped their panties when he appeared on stage and roadies after the gig had to use a karcher machine to wipe away the pools of female juices his charisma triggered in those teenage systems.

Besides, Johnson is so fuckin’ BALD that he needs his ugly working-class friggin’ woollen stinking Scottish-patterned CAP permanently taped or nailed on his Neandertal cranium. I hate his fucking cap, I do.

On the videos, he stinks. You instinctively feel the nasty sweaty smell coming from under that cap, and it makes you wanna puke on your rented dvdbox. With Bon Scott, all you could feel was excitement, especially if you were a fifteen-years-old acne-ridden girlie with plaits and a school uniform with an ugly tie. I suppose, anyway.

You could see the road to Hell unveiling before your eyes when Bon sang the celebrated “Highway to Hell” Lots of string-clad and topless red-headed whores on each side of it, bottles of Jack’s in the distance and fucking howling guitars with amps turned to 11. And also dope everywhere, the smoking type.

Fuckin’ Brian Johnson can just conjure up a countryside by-way, full of rotten fruit and cockroaches. Tons of toxic waste containers waiting for you to dive into. No class.

Listen to the pre-Johnson albums. So few of them, alas. Take “High Voltage” and listen to “Live Wire” : the sound of the bass guitar, the simple chords following that. Pure adrenaline rushing through your ill-looking arteries ! Epitome of rock energy. If you don’t get a mega-boner listening to that, you’re already dead and buried under a pile of acidic churchyard. Could bring Attila the Hun back to life !

Hang Brian Johnson by his smoking-wet entrails to the nearest pole and worship Bon Scott

Rating : AC/DC pre-Johnson : 12 out of 10
AC/DC post-Scott : 0.0000001 out of 10