What do you answer to the question :”What are you doing ?” when you’re taking a dump ? I’m shitting, man ? Do you seriously answer that ?
Well, if you do, you are rude. If you don’t, you are a liar.
There is such a word as “Twatter”, in case you don’t know. It is someone relishing in pussy licking. No, not your fluffy hellraiser of a cat.
The other kind.
When you twitt and someone answers “I’m twatting”, this might be true, who knows. And perhaps with your wife, too.
Don’t forget to pick out the hairs that got stuck between your lips before answering.
This is rude, too.
May
17
Twitter, the site, is totally useless.
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Jan
19
Fucker smoked two packs of fags a day.
Drank a bottle of bad whiskey a week, and sometimes more.
Played chess better than your Mum, and mine as well.
Rode cars too fast and because of him I got scars all over when we had that bike accident.
Was generally late and forgot everybody to follow any skirt moving around.
Had a yellow smile and I wouldn’t have dared to look at his underwear.
Watched kung-fu movies and read Bukowski. Son-of-a-bitch died six months ago of a stupid vein breaking in his head.
Still miss his cough.
Dec
06
The president-elect is said to have made a job proposal to Monica Lew…ski.
She should try to restore a satisfying political relationship with La Havana.
Let’s wish her good luck !
Dec
06
Seriously, people. There are gazillions (not brazillions, they live in Sao Paulo) of programs I won’t need when I stumble upon a site which has lists for “the most downloaded”, “the latest useful software”, or even “programs any sensible user will need”.
Perhaps I am not sensible at all.
I know every programmer out from computer school dreams of designing the next “ultimate” utility, to be able to get the dough, the babes and the fame. Well, let them die.
Some scientist once said that we don’t even use as little as 10 % of the power of our brain. Well, I think I could even use less.
And I want my computer to be as stupid as me and do just one thing at a time.
Even if it is wasting its time away.
Nov
23
Well, what do you expect of a new Motörhead album ?
Since it’s their 2,5643th one, not much. But I was nevertheless very impressed by their two previous ones. Kiss of Death contained some fucking great songs and Inferno had two of the greatest Motorhead flavour about them. Remember “In the Name of Tragedy”, and “Killers” ?
How could these three clowns release these blazing masterpieces, at their age ? I’m still wondering.
Well, Motorizer is not a total piece of shit.
But nearly.
There’s just one song that avoids the label “boring”, and it’s Rock Out.
Oh, yes.
There are also the two bitches at the center of the booklet. They both have great collagened tits and the trio seemed a little less bored on the photo than on the other ones. Please, Lemmy, take off that silly hat ! You look like a ringmaster in a puppet show !
Not even worth stealing.
Nov
23
I won’t bore you with a song-by-song review.
My standpoints are very subjective, so you may not agree with them.
First : THE COVER
I like albums covers. I’d like CDs to be as big as old LPs, so that we can have these beautiful art covers back. I never liked the CD format. Do you ? Well, I don’t care. Now, this particular cover : I bought the digipack edition because it’s not as cheap as the ordinary plastic-case-bullshit one. This Digipack is GOOD. Yes it is, folks. Why ? Lemme tell you : There 4 black diamonds, one at each corner and it’s classy, man !
Second : THE BOOKLET
I don’t ordinarily like booklets, except those in Motörhead albums, because there’s always the lyrics included and Lemmy write fucking great songs, even if the music sometimes sucks, like in the band’s latest offering “Motorizer”. But I’ll discuss that one later. Now, the ACDC booklet shows that they have developed ugly faces, but that’s unavoidable. They’d better not show their faces any longer. Well, that’s my opinion, anyway.
Third : THE SONGS
They are mostly good. Favorites are : Skies on Fire, War Machine, Stormy May Day. All in all, a good CD, but waiting for 8 years to have a lesser version of Stiff Upper Lip is a bit too long. Because all the songs have the same sound as those in their 2000 album, which was one of the best they had ever released, except the timeless masterpieces featuring the late and never to be forgotten Bon Scott.
Fourth : CONCLUSION
Steal it.
Nov
18
This film is probably sponsored by Karl Lagerfeld. Only uber-gays can like that muscles overdose.
I’m a skinny little bastard and I couldn’t believe there were so many bulging flesh pads on a male human body. And I still can’t believe it. This is computer-assisted imagery or I’m fucking blind. The messenger, who played in the Lord of the Strings and even in “Van Helsing”, as a faggot monk, can’t have grown all these muscles just by eating raw meat. Never.
My idea of weight-lifting is trying to open my car-bonnet, to check the oil and whether there is still a drop of water in the adequate container,or not. Shit like that. But I don’t know where the lever to open it is located, I forgot. So I just let my Japanese-friendly car mechanic do it. It’s his job, not mine.
Consequently, I’m as skinny as you are, but for the pimples. I’m slightly too old now.
Leonidas is a brand for Belgian chocolate, in case you didn’t know. It’s not a fucking 3-metres-high Greek body-builded king who shouts all the time : “This is Sparta !! I will sodomize your entire people if you look at my wife again, you piece of foreign shit !”
This guy is not a diplomat. That’s why he gets killed in the end, because he was too stupid to negotiate with the heathen sons of bitches coming from Arab wildernesses somewhere near Iraq. With elephants and rhinos and sorcerers and stuffy shit. Appalling idiot. And they all died because they chose this man as king.
What do you do if you’re about to get mugged ? You run. That’s what all these Greek bastards should have done. But they were so full of shit about virtue, courage and the likes, they should have had at least 5 extra anuses bored into each buttock to expel all their bullshit.
Nobody wants to die, even less for one’s land of Sodom in which the King himself gets laid by all the city’s warriors. Disgusting.
Greece is a very nice country, nevertheless, full of sights to see, food to feed yourself with and peopled with people who are not gay anymore. Or they would be extinct by now.
Nov
11
There is probably an allegory for something in this book, but I don’t know what for. The reading of it is not difficult, but the hero stinks. It’s a pun, because in fact, the fucking idiot does not have any body odor.
Totally unbelievable, isn’t it ? Yeah, because you don’t smell your own stench as you have got used to it, but you smell the others’. And it’s horrible. Especially in a crowded bus or in the tube. I can tell you you smell pretty bad, I was the stupid-looking guy next to you the other day.With the glasses bigger than your friends’ satellite dish.
So this little guy has no body odor, in fact he doesn’t really exist, he’s a metaphor for something or someone, but I can’t get it. But he has a gift for creating divine perfumes. Right, it’s boring. What super-power is that ? Hey, fuckers, look at me, I have a hare’s lip, I weigh 34 pounds and I have a limp. But I can enslave you anytime because your nostrils will obey me !! If the baddies have a cold, the moron is dead.
The evil mastermind who comes to fight our Frog, yes, he also has a stupid nickname, is a bloody old geezer who runs a derelict perfume shop and cannot create perfumes anymore. Just like in the “Amadeus” film, in which Mozart is a fucking retard, fucks all the chambermaids he meets, drinks like a camel out of the desert, and has the most annoying laughter you will ever hear. And whom Salieri, the evil talentless musician, wants to submit to steal his works. Same situation.
You can read this book, because it’s not very long. It’s mostly boring, there is no sex to be found in it, so its interest is doubtful. In the end Froggy is bored with his own story and goes for a trip in the countryside. There he buries himself under the ground, literally. He undergoes a kind of regression thing, as in the film “Altered States”, in which the hero takes a fucking bad pill with too much LSD in it and transforms into a prehistoric homunculus. That kinda shit. In the very end, Froggy creates the ultimate killing perfume. He sprinkles himself with it. And all the homeless fucktards of the neighborhood slay him dead, butcher him and eat him.
Eat my flesh, drink my blood, etc. Told you there was something of a message in there. Don’t know if he transforms into a zombie, but that could be difficult.
Nov
09
I wake up in my bad dream and find myself changed into one of Walt Disney’s furry characters. I see a beautiful Pocahontas or Little Siren and I get a tremendous and very conspicuous hard-on. All the time there is an insect on my shoulder telling me that I am not really an animal, just an embodiment of some fucking feeling or whatever. Fuck it.
Not being able to find a condom in this bloody universe, I end up killing myself with a big friendly pistol, knowing I won’t ever be allowed to lay the girl because otherwise I’d be out of character. Disney cartoons are worst prisons than most. Don’t trust people whose job is to devour children’s brains. Disney was the biggest zombie there was.
Nov
05
1.Take your time. You’ve got plenty of it.
2.Think about all the cool people you’re gonna meet.
3.Make a list of all the nasty people you’re gonna haunt.
4.Mentally connect with the other cemetery’s patrons.
5.See ? Internet’s free when you’re dead.
6.Don’t worry about your weight anymore.
7.Have yourself buried with sunglasses in case of blinding white light at the end of a tunnel.
8.Prepare for next reincarnation, as situation requires.
9.Choose your spirit friends. Don’t let them choose you.
10.Perhaps you’ll meet the Travel Agent, perhaps you won’t.
